Flying is not exactly a quiet or luxurious adventure (unless you have a wealth of "Crazy Rich Asians" level). Over the years, airlines were attacked for their dealings with customers and travelers are increasingly explicit about their mishaps. Sometimes it seems that Twitter is only a forum for complaints about air travel .
Still, with all the stress and indignity, there is an opportunity for humor and great ventilation. We have collected 36 tweets that will surely resonate with people who hate flying. If you are afraid of flying or just hate to travel by plane, it is likely to be related to these meditations.
Air travel is the most miraculous thing I hate.
– maura quint (@behindyourback) March 16, 2018
I'm always nervous about flying until I finally get on the plane and see the people I'll live with on the remote island after we crash.
– Elizabeth Hackett (@LizHackett) July 31, 2018
Sometimes, the best cure for fear of flying is actually bored flight attendants.
– Abbi Crutchfield (@curlycomedy) August 25, 2017
Border agent, skeptic: is driving to New Mexico
Me: I HAVE A FLYING FOBIA AND A THING OF UFO'S AND IT'S THE ONLY WAY I'M GOING TO ROSWELL
– Anne Thériault (@anne_theriault) August 16, 2016
Documentaries are never made about the explorer's sister, Cordelia Earhart, whose fear of flight led to a quiet life as a quilt maker.
– Abbi Crutchfield (@curlycomedy) December 30, 2012
"Sir, I really do not want to get into this, I'm listening to a podcast about the murder."
And other ways of knocking down conversations with strangers on a plane that do not understand that the headphones order silence.
– Anne T. Donahue (@annetdonahue) June 13, 2018
Sit down until we've reached the door, then feel free to stand bent over on your side for 15 minutes while doing whatever it takes
– Elle Oh Well (@ElleOhHell) December 23, 2014
It's great that planes that fly are not more than 50 feet off the ground thanks to the power to close their eyes all the time
– Katie Heaney (@KTHeaney) ] December 28, 2013
Go this summer to an island. A kitchen island. My cooking island It's perfect because I hate flying and I'm close to my crockery.
– kim 🎃 (@KimmyMonte) March 13, 2014
When I mention my phobia to fly, someone always is like that, BUT DID YOU KNOW THAT THE PLANS ARE SAFER THAN CARS?
No, shit, I've never heard that
– Anne Thériault (@anne_theriault) March 22, 2014
I hate flying because teleportation was not invented
– Bec Shaw (@Brocklesnitch) March 12, 2015
It's amazing that, in just a few decades, we've changed the miracle of air travel from an incredible adventure to the equivalent of going to the DMV.
– maura quint (@behindyourback)) October 20, 2017
I saw a woman go to the bathroom without shoes. AN AIRCRAFT BATH.
I bet it's zero patient.
– Imani Gandy o- € (@AngryBlackLady) May 8, 2018
Having wifi on a plane is simply amazing because now I can complain about air travel WHILE IN HALF OF IT !!! THIS PLANE DOES NOT HAVE ANY CAP! I HATE THIS PLACE!!!!!!!!!! THE TECHNOLOGY IS INCREDIBLE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
– Scaachi (@Scaachi) January 8, 2018
Please stop farting on airplanes, we can not open windows 😒
– Karabo Mokgoko 🦄 (@Karabo_Mokgoko) August 24, 2018
There are two types of people: people who stand up and try to make their way in the aisle of the plane once the plane lands, but before leaving anyone out, and people who are not at the top of my list if the purge happens sometime
– erin Huckabee Ryan (@morninggloria) August 12, 2018
This day in hyperbole: Delta stewardess just announced that they are about to start their "legendary beverage service".
– Carrie Brownstein (@Carrie_Rachel) September 13, 2012
He asked to change seats on the plane because he was sitting next to a crying baby. Apparently, that is not allowed if the baby is yours.
– Ilana Wiles (@mommyshorts) February 12, 2014
My flight seatmate asked me where I'm flying. It is always good to compare the answers about these things.
– Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) March 18, 2016
It's funny that I'm afraid of flying though I've never been in a plane crash, but I've been on a train that derailed and one that hit a truck
– Anne Thériault (@anne_theriault) April 6, 2016
My favorite part of air travel is carefully calculated sedation.
– Elizabeth Hackett (@LizHackett) July 29, 2014
The idea of traveling by plane must start from the beginning. The airlines treat us like shit and we all get dressed like pigs.
– Laurie Kilmartin (@ anylaurie16) December 23, 2014
Flying next to random children is too stressful. Now I am responsible for helping them with their oxygen masks if I lose the pressure of the cabin?
– Brit Bennett (@britrbennett) June 26, 2016
The best part of flying is the part where you can not urinate or drink alcohol because you're sitting on the track waiting in line
– erin Huckabee ryan (@morninggloria) ] August 26, 2016
People ask "How did you get to South Africa, London, Jamaica, etc. if you are afraid of flying?" Simple answer: Benadryl
– Diamond Sharp (@diamonde) September 16, 2013
I'm afraid of flying, so I always fly Frontier because I know the plane will never leave.
– Samantha Ruddy (@samlymatters) July 26, 2013
* plane makes really loud noise *
* pilot in the intercom * what the hell was that
– dan mentos (@DanMentos) January 16, 2015
Honestly, I would prefer that my flight be delayed a few hours than risk me in a gigantic flying metal tube with technical difficulties
– Anna Fitzpatrick (@bananafitz) 29 August 2016
IT IS NORMAL THAT THERE IS TURBULENCE WHEN FLYING ON MOUNTAINS, ARE AERIAL POCKETS THAT DO IT, I WILL BE WELL
– Mara "Get rid of the Nazis" Wilson (@MaraWilson) April 25, 2017
Dear science: get the damn teleportation pads already. signed, I Fucking Hate Flying.
– Tracy Boomeisha-Ann Clayton (@brokeymcpoverty) August 29, 2012
If you are afraid of flying, take a cruise. If you fear bad magic shows, stay in your cabin all the time. #travelskills
– Samantha Ruddy (@samlymatters) April 12, 2013
One fun thing about flying now is to spend time in the air wondering what specific type of post-apocalyptic hellscape you'll play.
– maura quint (@behindyourback) December 1, 2017
FLIGHT WITH A COLD IS THE WORST THERE ARE DEMONS IN MY EARS HELP CALL 911
– wikipedia brown aka eve ewing aka lil feather muji (@eveewing) 9 of December, 2017
THEY SAY that traveling by plane is safe, but THEY do not tell you about the psychic cost of leaving a jet in your head for 3 days. DO YOU DO IT?
– Living Marble (@living_marble) October 30, 2016